A Normal Person’s Guide to Sex Magic and Manifestation

Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash

TLDR: Sex magic is a pattern of lovemaking that allows your desires to manifest in your lived reality.

It works in two ways. 1. By pairing sexual pleasure and your desire, you’re neurologically changing your brain. You’re priming your unconscious mind to seek out actions that will bring you closer to your goal. 2. By combining your powerful sexual energy with the energy of your dreams and broadcasting this cocktail into the energetic Web of Life. Because like attracts like, this energetic shift will call your dream to you.

It’s possible to make your dreams a reality without working yourself into the ground.

Even as I write this, my inner “protestant work ethic” is screaming like a vampire in the light.

There is so much in Western society generally (and American society specifically) that encourages humans to squeeze every possible moment of “productivity” out of our short, priceless lives.

By focusing on “productivity” or “output” we’re essentially using the same rubric we use for machines on humans. It says you are only worth what you produce for the economy. This is deeply dehumanizing and demoralizing, but has been so normalized many of us hardly see it.

Even though I understand this rationally, this must-be-productive conditioning is really hard to shake. For years I internalized this so deeply that I felt catholic-style guilt if I wasn’t “productive” — even on my days off! I would berate myself for not having a side-hustle, for not focusing harder when I was at work, for not doing more, even when I was aggressively burning myself out.

The idea that this might not be true, that perhaps I can do less and still achieve your dreams, can feel confusing and at times even terrifying.

Despite this, I still choose to believe that you don’t have to buy into the hustle to achieve your dreams. I know in my bones there’s an easier way.

Rather than pull 80 hour weeks for years in pursuit of my goals, I get some help… from the Universe themself. Most people refer to this as “manifestation”, or “law of attraction.”

These phrases might throw up your “New Age-y Bullshit” flag. But give me a chance. I politely request that you temporarily suspend your disbelief until the end of the article. You’ll have plenty of opportunity to think I’m ridiculous and silly after.

It took me a long time to learn this, especially since many manifestation teachers are less than helpful. (More on that below). I had to get curious, to experiment, and figure out this whole manifestation thing for myself. I’ll keep learning forever, but here’s what I’ve learned so far.

Manifestation or Privilege?

Sometimes it feels too good to be true but alas, time and time again crazy stuff has plopped into my life in ways that truly defy the odds. By a lot. Over and over again.

My life is built on far too many coincidences to just be a coincidence. Way too much “good luck” to just be good luck. Too many silver linings to just be a silver lining.

Given all the other coincidences I really want to have happen in the future, I have to take my past experience into account, no matter how much “woo-woo” may or may not be involved. But the simplistic explanations put forward by most manifestation teachers (especially grossly simplified ones like The Secret or Think and Get Rich) just don’t cut it for me.

There are way too many heartbreaks, unanswered prayers, and systemic horrors for simple “wish for it and it will come” ideas to be the whole story. Privilege, systemic racism, patriarchy, bias, crowd elements, and other forces both sacred and profane shape our lives as well. Law of Attraction is only one of many aspects involved in making your dreams a reality.

Part of what makes a lot of manifestation teachings feel sketchy is that many proponents are, explicitly or implicitly, victim-blaming. They twist this philosophy into a way to make it your fault if you don’t achieve ______ and conveniently ignore things like wealth, privilege, access, and countless individual differences that also come into play.

It can be incredibly toxic to buy into Law of Attraction without having a lot of context and personal power around it. But if taken gently and curiously, with a grain of salt and an explorer’s mindset, manifestation does work a “more than the odds would suggest” amount of the time.

How Manifestation Actually Works

As you may have discovered playing MASH as a child, just doing a manifestation exercise is not enough to change your reality. It’s more than just whispering a spell you found online over a vision board and wanting the thing really hard.

Manifestation exercises like these are powerful, but an ultimately optional step in the manifestation process.

Step 1

Get really clear on what you want and why you want it. I’m not talkin’ just the surface reason, but the really deep, core reasons. Let’s say, I want a life partner. This might trigger old emotional wounds of thinking I’m not loved enough by my parents, might bring up feelings of inadequacy and abuse from experiences with previous partners, bla bla bla.

All of those past experiences and conditioning are like sticky goop in your manifestation pipes. They have their own energetic and psychological signature that’ll interfere in your ability to draw something new into your reality.

Not only can these past experiences disrupt your ability to manifest what you want, they can call in more of the same shit! If the primary energy of manifestation pipes is one of trauma or fear, the Universe will plop that into your life again and again until you do something to remove the goop as much as possible (aka heal).

So do what you can to process and clear out that sticky goop! Personal/spiritual development work, such as yoga, meditation, Tantra, somatic therapy, coaching, etc. are all really effective ways.

There are many healers and practitioners you can work with, but there’s plenty of free info out there as well that can empower you to heal yourself. Find something that works for you and do it regularly. Think of it as energetic hygiene.

Step 2

(Optional) Do a fun manifestation exercise or ritual, be it sex magic (I share instructions later on in this post) or something else. It may seem silly to put together a vision board or whatever, but it will prime your unconscious brain for what you’re trying to achieve. Most of these exercises are a way of letting your “experience” your dream before you actually have it in real life. This means when it does show up it’ll feel familiar and safe, making you more likely to take the steps to bring it into your life with ease and comfort rather than fear and apprehension. The unconscious speaks to the conscious mind in dreams, the conscious mind speaks to the unconscious in ritual.

As you’re waiting for your manifestation to show up, do your absolute best to follow your intuition. Whenever you get an impulse, weird urge, or intuitive hit do it, no matter how silly or unconnected from your desire it is. Listen to your gut.

Even if it’s something as bizarre as “make a Zillow account” during a pandemic, do it. Run that ridiculous errand, pack that extra thing, call up that person you’ve suddenly thought about for the first time in years.

I’m the first to admit this is easier said than done. This is tough for two main reasons. Having enough time/money to act on your intuition can be challenging for most people, and if you have a non-dominant identity you probably have even less resources.

Our intuition is only as clear as our conditioning (another sticky goop in our manifestation pipes thing). Old beliefs, socialization, trauma, gaslighting, and other blockages all cloud our intuition. If you have a non-dominant identity, you probably carry more of this type of thing. That’s why your “gut” sometimes points you in the wrong direction.

To refine your intuition, see the personal development practices mentioned in step 1.

Step 3

Take FUN action. Do what feels good! This is not the time for making long to-do lists and project plans (unless that’s your definition of fun.)

If you want to find a partner and find online dating fascinating but in-person mixers excruciating, just do the apps. Do what you enjoy even if the data says otherwise.

If you’re building a business and social media makes you break out in hives go with other methods like SEO or old-school networking.

If you don’t feel happy in the present your desire will never come.

Step 4

Be patient. Sometimes your manifestation will come instantly, sometimes it will take years before the timing is right for it to come into your life. But if it’s yours it will come to you.

Stay grateful for everything you can within your present situation. Manifestation work has the unfortunate side effect of encouraging you to live in the future, to delay your sense of happiness and contentment until you have The Thing. Don’t fall into that trap.

Remember the common story of new love birds, “It wasn’t until I totally gave up dating that I finally met My Person.”

There’s a larger process at play that’s where the actual magic (haha) happens. And this larger process is where most people get stuck. (Stuck both in the sense of, “I need help figuring this out”, and stuck in the sense of, “I’m a woman of color in a systemically racist world and the opportunities I need aren’t coming my way.”)

But whether you want something big or small, something urgent or something silly, here’s the general process/mindset to manifest it into reality.

Some people say that manifestation is “easy” or “effortless.” I think they’re insane.

Depending on the desire, it can be super hard! Essentially, you have to simultaneously honor your desire while surrendering it to the Universe. Not easy for people with control/trust issues (aka pretty much all of us).

When it’s something you desperately want, like finding money to pay rent or your dreamboat before your biological clock runs out, it takes an unbelievable amount of inner strength to let go and trust. It can be excruciating to not have The Thing You Want.

But the Universe knows what you want better than you do. If you let the Universe bring it to you, rather than pushing it into your life through sheer force of will, your manifestation will be so much more perfect and beautiful than you can ever imagine.

In short, manifestation is what naturally happens as you clear your conditioning. The energy of your soul starts to match the energy of your desires. The Universe is really just energy (all the energy in Every Thing). As you align your personal energy with the energy of your desires, this will start to affect the energy of the Universe, and all of this getting-on-the-same-page-ness ends up plopping your desire into your reality.

So don’t get discouraged! Start with small desires and keep it light.

Sex Magic

Bringing in pleasure and fun really help, which is why Sex Magic is my all-time favorite manifestation exercise. Here are all the details.

Sex magic is a form of lovemaking that encourages manifestation. There are two theories behind how this works.

1. The Magic and Miracles theory: Sex magic is about taking what you want, intuitively feeling if it’s in alignment for your soul’s journey, supercharging it with pleasure, and launching your vision into the energy of the Web of Life. Doing this aligns your vibration with the vibration of your goal, fulfilling the Law of Attraction (like attracts like) and makes it easier to come into your life. It’s like tweaking the code in the matrix with the power of sexual energy.

2. The Rewiring Brains theory: Sex magic works by wiring together very specific neuronal pathways in your brain. It takes the pathway that lights up when you think about your dream and connects it directly to the pathways of intense, sexual pleasure. If you do sex magic regularly, it means that you’ll get an unconscious kick of endorphins while taking action to get to your goal (even very subtle actions that you may not consciously understand are connected to your goal). Work no longer is hard, but becomes inherently pleasurable.

You can see it as a psychological trick or as tuning your inner energetic vibration. Your choice.

  1. Visualize your dream in as much detail as possible. What are the sights? The sounds? How will you feel physically, spiritually, etc.? Notice what vibes, energy, or flavor this brings up in your body.
  2. With that vibe in your system, turn yourself on sexually, either with a partner/s or by yourself. Take your time, savoring the delicious foreplay. Let your turn-on and your energy blend together into a little ball of light in your pelvis.
  3. As you continue to sexually stimulate, visualize the little ball of light moving through your body. If you know the chakra system you can consciously move the little ball of light into each chakra, letting the energy alchemize and grow more vibrant at each point. If you’re not into the chakras, just move it in a loop around your body. (Up the spine from pelvis to head, down the front from head to pelvis.)
  4. When your pleasure is near its peak, move the little ball of light to the crown chakra/top of your head. Let this energy pour out into the universe. Let your dream flash before your eyes with all the sensory detail you can muster. Time this with orgasm, if possible.
  5. Notice your body with the delicious, relaxed tingles of the afterglow of both your pleasure and your desire. Feel your dream moving one step closer.
  6. If you get an intuitive hit as to what to do next to achieve your dream, do it immediately/asap after you clean up and get dressed.

But no matter how you think about it the process is the same! Here are the step-by-step instructions for sex magic.


We live in a world of stuffy offices, hot fields, and cluttered homes. We live in a world of double-booked calendars and endless push notifications. But you can choose to see this world through the lens of magic and miracles. You can see the manifestations, the coincidences, the little unfolding steps along the way if you look for them.

You can chalk things up to coincidence or see them as winks from the Cosmos. You can feel powerless and adrift in the battering winds of chance, or you can powerfully let go and float along the waves of destiny. You can be at war against the world of the present or you can gently build a more beautiful one for the future.

And if you have a knack for holding paradoxes, you can have all of the above at the same time.

If sex magic sounds awesome to you, hop into bed and call something epic into your life. What do you have to lose?

I help people rediscover awe and wonder through sexual and spiritual healing. Find resources and more at michellegarfinkel.com.

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